Feeling blah

i feel like i’m just spiraling down. I caught a panic attack at work the other day.. or at least i think it was a panic attack.. my breathing was crazy and i was crying hysterically..and just like that it was over… now people have been asking me what caused it and i say i dont know it was just feelings, but i know exactly what it was. I was feeling down and depressed… thoughts of suicide and voices in my head were taunting me and making me feel like shit. I do feel like complete shit though. i dont want to do anything but i make myself. i feel just like a shell of myself.. i went out and did some photography, i didnt want to initially but i went and i had a good time but now i’m home and i’m  back to feeling like shit.

I really need to learn change. I feel like i havent set boundaries and i feel like people dont respect me and i feel worthless… i skipped out on a therapy appointment… not on purpose but because i forgot… it’s like i didnt care to remember. i dont know i’m just … down….

down…

down….

so next year if i make it… no more nice girl… i’m going to take people at face value… i’m tired of having to internally explain other peoples’ behavior… what i see is what i’m going to get and i’m going to start taking people at face value.

lets see where this goes..

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