I’ve been a bad girl

so yeah i’ve been off my meds for about 2 weeks now and i’m actually still going through the withdrawal of it. I’ve been nauseous for the entire time.. i mean i’m still eating and stuff but i’m super nauseous… anyway so i told my therapist that i was getting off of it… needless to say she wasnt happy about that… but i did give her my reason for getting off… i’ve actually gained about 40 lbs… ugh.. happened so fast it seems but she tells me you know you’ll be going through a depression soon and i told her if i dont like how i look.. whether i’m on meds or not.. i’m going to go through a depression… … it really doesnt matter she suggested that if thoughts go through my mind and i feel like doing something that i wouldnt normally do that i should write it down….i really dont know what writing it down would do but i agreed… have i done it though? nOpe…

anyway.. here’s what’s been going down… i started talking to someone.. i met someone online and we’ve gotten close… he doesnt live near me at all.. he’s actually really far.. actually a few states away from me…but he’s so sweet… sexy.. smart and he writes books… i’m actually reading one of his book but to save his identity i’m not going to say what it is… but i’m so attracted to him and just today he told me that he’s “smitten” with me .

we’ve had erotic conversations and we’ve talked on the phone twice… i really like him and i know i shouldnt.. i know i should just drop him but i’m having too much fun…

the next thing is i havent smoked weed in a while but i did sniff some coke a few times this week… i got it from someone i work with.. i just wanted to feel the euphoria that comes with it… i mean it’s not great quality stuff but it did ok… i dont think i would buy it again for that person but you know… it was ok…

i know my therapist isnt going to be happy about any of this but you know .. it’s my life…

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