He’s doing it again

so last week hubby went out for drinks and he got home drunk… he hasnt done that in a while… and it really didnt bother me too much except for the fact that he likes to bring up the past when he drinks… and he gets very angry and argumentative about it… it used to get to a point where i would just leave my house and sleep over my cousins when he went out drinking because i knew what to expect…

he really didnt bring up the past… since i’ve cheated on him and he knows about it he always thinks that i’m going to do it again to him and you know what… it’s sooo annoying… in the beginning it made me sad that he used to say that.. now i just get annoyed at it… and i told him that he cheated on me too and i dont bring it up.. my bestfriend gave me some insight that not everyone is like me… that’s great advice but i have to learn to remember that… sometimes i want to bring things up just to spite him… not cause i really want to because to be honest i’m completely over it and it doesnt bother me anymore that he cheated… i have to tell ya.. i had it coming… but anyway that’s another story…

so he’s out again… it’s now 7:07 and he said that he would leave at 6pm.. i checked him out on the gps and guess what.. he’s still there and to be honest i’m not surprised… sometimes i wish i worked farther from home so that i can stop somewhere on my own and get some drinks too… i work so close to home that it’s the only place on my mind to go when i get out of work… plus i have to take my meds at 7pm so that by 10 pm i’m ready for sleep..if i dont take it on time i’ll end up staying up late… anyway…

anyway… i can honestly understand in some way why he’s scared… sexually it hasnt been working out for us.. not for a long time.. there’s no fire… no spark… but we are intimate in other ways.. its just the sex suck.. and now we’ve encountered a new issue… he cant keep his erection… any little thing… a sound… a breeze.. the wrong thought can bring him down.. and you know what.. i’ve been thinking about it but i wouldnt do it.. honestly.. the only reason is because i’m not interested in anyone else… but if someone does tickle my interest.. maybe it will.. who knows… maybe i’m just talking shit…

hopefully he doesnt come home too drunk…

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