My Life on Pause

so every now and then ,well i have to say i dont know why i do this but i look at my ex boyfriends page and this was a guy who was in love with me at one point but we couldnt continue our relationship for obvious reasons…i was married… when i got with him me and my husband were on a break…hubby and i got back together and i couldnt continue the relationship…plus he moved to new jersey…about 4 hours away from me.. anyway i found out what his instagram was and since then i’ve been looking at it every now and then…

this was way back in 2012… but anyway since then he’s got married… he’s actually a newly wed … i start thinking damn… he said he wanted to marry me at one point… so anyway when we broke up..he started dating the woman he would eventually marry and i still think about him from time to time but he said we could no longer speak because he was in a relationship… (i understood, but i somehow didnt want to accept) anyway i reached out again a few times after that and the told me the same thing… so i stopped… now i just scope out his page… well.. now he is a new father… his wife had a baby the other day and i’m thinking damn that could have been me… i want a child so bad… hubby and i are having fertility issues..(on his end) i look at the baby and she’s so beautiful… i just feel like my life is still in the same place as it was in 2012…

no children…. ugh… it just gets me sad but i cant help but follow him and see his life through his instagram… he looks so happy and yet i cant even get pregnant.. hubby doesnt want to adopt… he doesnt want me to get artificial insemination either… so it’s like i know it’s for better or worse but am i to spend the rest of my life not being a mother only because he wants to have the child biologically and he cant?

this is a tough one for me…



  1. I’m in the same situation, though no baby, just recently married. I was shocked to read he had gotten married. Our thing went back 10 years ago and it was hard to let go.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m stuck on your husband not caring at all that you want to be a mother. I think stalking a crush or an ex is normal but a husband not exploring the options to begin a family🤔 I do not come from a place of judgement yet I am team woman and also so it’s always the man problem I recognize. You are curious about him bc you aren’t even considered, in this aspect, in your marriage…. I am making a lot of assumptions 😂 my apologies. I just began following you. Hello. 🤗

    Liked by 1 person

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