it’s been a long time since i’ve actually felt attraction to anyone… except for my old therapist…mmm mmm mmm… but there are so many things that i would like to say to him.. i wish i could have kept him in my life on some level… i really didnt know it would be so hard to get over and i understand that i should speak to my therapist about it… maybe there are hidden feelings there regarding him… oh man when i saw him it was only for a few seconds but it felt like an eternity.. .like time slowed down… anyway

when i feel attraction for someone i feel alive… i feel my heart pumping.. i feel sexy and sexual… when i’m not attracted to someone i feel nothing… numb… i know i’m married and i should only feel attraction for my husband but at the same time.. i’m human as well with real human emotions… and i feel attraction toward others… but lately … nothing…

it’s so hard to explain… sometimes i want to go outside but honestly there’s no one i would cheat on my husband with… and that’s a great thing… and i dont want to either but sometimes the urge comes but because i dont have anyone in mind or i feel that i cant because my husband is on me all the time… on me about where i am and who i’m with so i cant very well go out and cheat…

my bestfriend told me that he has a friend who is a psychiatrist.. or a therapist i cant remember… anyway… she had an affair and is in love with one of her patients… grant it… she got fired from her job but she didnt lose her license to treat… she eventually got another position as a therapist… so there is hope lol ugh .. i’m an idiot…

i just want to feel sexy… sexual…



  1. People say that a bad relationship is worse than being alone, but I’m not even sure anymore. When I’ve been in relationships, I’ve felt more ‘alive’ at least. I don’t often feel attraction towards people…not sexually anyway, unless I really know them. And the few people that have been interested in me …well I’ve not been interested in them in that way. I would love to feel mutual attraction towards someone, but I don’t see it happening. It’s part of what makes us human.

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