Torn… dont want to get hurt

most of you know that i just recently started talking to an old friend… but i also have this other friend… he was my bestfriend since the 80’s as well and we had a fall out because i kicked him out of my house when he used to live with me and my husband… so this new old friend… lets call her bestfriend 1…. anyway so she told me about how she told bestfriend 2 that her and i started talking again and he texted her that he misses me…

the last time we spoke he was drunk… and i was elated speaking to him..up until that point i had prayed and prayed that he would forgive me for whatever he was mad at me about… so i even told him during that conversation that “he was an answered prayer.” to then a few mins after we spoke for him to tell another friend that calling me was a mistake… that he wasnt as excited to hear from me as i was to hear from him… and we didnt speak again… we had texted back and forth and he was adamant that he didnt want me to contact him again… so i didnt…

these are two relationships that i had in my life that meant so much to me for them to be taken from me at the same time… now that bestfriend 1 and i are rekindling… i’m wondering if bestfriend 2 wants to get back into my life again now… i really dont know how i’m going to deal with it… this is so heavy for me right now… i really dont want to get my heart broken again by them…

bestfriend 2 and i were alot closer than bestfriend 1 and i but we def have a history.. he knew everything about me..even the ugly side of me… but he has lied to me…stolen from me…brought men into my house without my knowledge and yet i still found it in my heart to forgive but yet he couldnt forgive me… so i really dont know how to handle his return into my life…. i’m so confused… should i welcome him with open arms… i mean he was a big part of my life… should i open my heart… should i just not accept him..i  really dont know.. =(

6 comments

  1. The human condition is such that it’s possible to forgive but not to forget. I would err on the side of your own personal safety and security, and not leave yourself that wide open to repeat offense, from either friend. And, I’m sorry that I sound cynical and unforgiving, but I don’t want anyone to hurt you, or me.

    Bless you and your loving, caring heart. I’ve just seen abused women before- they want to blame themselves and forgive and take their abusers back, but when they do the mistreatment comes back or gets worse. Abuse can be physical, or psychological, or all of the above and a few I didn’t mention. I just want you to be careful and not trust too quickly.

    I’m convinced what happened to you was not your fault. And if I’m right and an abuser comes back, you have to be on guard the mistreatment doesn’t start or even show any warning signs.

    DM

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I get where you are coming from… I had an amazing connection with a friend a few years ago. We were both going through some really awful times and we helped each other. Sadly she decided, due to a relationship, that she no longer wanted to be my friend. Instead of talking to me about it, she was so lead by this man that she just started cutting people off.

    I was devastated to lose her and although the rough period in my life had passed, I knew she was still struggling and wanted to help.

    Our last contact, she openly admitted her mental health issues where encompassing her and she was struggling to get help or support. I again offered to help in any way I could….

    A few years later, I hear from another friend that she is okay (mostly) but still struggling.

    It is super hard in my mind that she was so supportive to me but wouldn’t accept help in return. I recently emailed her just to wish her well and hope that she continues to be kind to herself. I said that I would be here if she ever needed me but ultimately I wish her a good life.

    Someone once said that we pass through other people’s lives and I will be grateful forever for the help and support she gave me.

    Liked by 1 person

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