Yesterday’s Therapy Session

you know i gotta say i left the session yesterday feeling great…feeling fresh and renewed… it could have been the two cups of coffee but still… i left there feeling great… earlier in the week i had emailed her letting her know about the changes in my life that i wanted to discuss….most of you know i’m talking about my new/old friend… so anyway i go into the beginning about how me and her stopped talking and how she had an issue with me reinventing myself every year and whatever…my old best friend seemed to have a problem with that… maybe that was one of my (borderline traits) but i must say that with all of the things that i have done in my life… i’d like to think reinventing myself and taking up different hobbies and things really added value to my life… i dont think it took away… but she seemed to have a problem with it at the time… it was one of the many things she blew up on me about… i also told my therapist i think she’s got borderline as well…

I told my therapist about how she and i have started talking and how i wanted to be there for her. I told her that i’m trying to take it slow but i dont think i’m doing a good job of it… we speak almost every day… sitting here typing this i have to urge to text her… (i just did) so my therapist asks me “does it feel good talking to her” and i said yes it does… it feels very familiar i mean we’ve been laughing and joking and talking… familiar meaning that i feel free talking to her… i dont feel this free talking to others… there’s only a couple of people i feel this comfortable with…

i explained to her how both of my friends are feuding and i dont want to be apart of it… they both keep talking to me about each other… i’m going to let them know that “i’m going to tell you the same thing i’m going to tell her… i dont want to talk about her. keep that between the both of you.”

i told my therapist… that what if she’s only taking me back as a friend because she has no one else… all of those close to her have left her… or what if she’s only saying she wants to be my friend so that she can get info on the other friend…? (which i want no part of)

my therapist expressed that she feels that i should “not be like the messenger.” especially now since i’m just repairing my relationship with her.

I told my therapist what my cousin told me about having this friend go into therapy because i really think she needs it… my cousin told me to ask her if she would go into therapy to help her with her grieving process… (her father passed) and on that journey they can discover that she has borderline… i think my therapist though that was a good idea…

my therapist asked me if this friendship is something that i want… and i told her yeah that it was a big part of my depression… losing her along with another friend of mine.

My therapist asked me why was the friend so upset with me that i wanted to reinvent myself….? my answer was that my whole personality would change.. .i’d be like this who other person.. i became someone that she didnt even know anymore… i told my therapist that i’m still like that…and i think it’s hypomania times that i have so many things and projects that ive done… i dont know if that part of my personality is the hypomania or the borderline trait… no idea…

i told my therapist that i feel like those thing added to my life… not take away…but then people make it look like it’s negative… i’m very open to do different things… but i guess some people would find that negative.

i told my therapist that i feel like i’m a boring person… my therapist looked surprised when i said that… but that’s how i feel inside alot of the times… like i’m dull and she said “you feel like you’re boring?” she had a smile on her face cause i know i’m not…but i just feel like i am…

i told my therapist about me seeing ghost and hearing it.

also told her that this new/old friend is a secret relationship and how no one wants me to be her friend… the only one who knows are my cousin and my husband. My therapist said that it must feel like i’m doing something wrong… and thats exactly how i feel…

we went over a few more things but i think i made this blog long enough…lol

please share your thoughts with me..they are always appreciated…

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