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New therapist first appt

Today I had my first appointment with the new therapist and guess what… she took my old therapists office… oh man so many conversations have taken place there… so many memories of him sitting in front of me came right back… oh well… what am I going to do with myself …

Anyway

She was pretty good… soft spoken … and bright lights… my old therapist had the lights dimmed in the room she had them way up and it was kinda different…

We talked about my rape experience… my hypomania and depressive symptoms of bipolar… we talked about hubby going out for drinks… and even the lost friendships of two very important people in my life… we touched on hypersexuality and infidelity… and I did not see once ounce of judgement in her face… I’m so happy about that because I’m definitely no angel…

So she gave me another appointment for two weeks from now… I don’t like those two week appointments… I like the weekly visits… someone I know I can speak to on a weekly basis… maybe I’ll ask her about that… we touched on the relationship I have with my sister out passive aggressive relationship… wow writing this out we covered a lot… ๐Ÿ™‚ 

She didn’t do much talking… she did more listening and asked some questions about my need for approval and my sexual promiscuity… I told her that they are separated… wanting sex from someone else and getting it doesn’t really mean they approve of me… but wait now that I think about it … getting some sex is a form or acceptance… which can also be taken as a form of approval… shit she was right to ask that and now I have to wait two weeks to change my answer…. 

But I have to say I do look forward to it and the time flew… still debating on if I should bring up my attraction to my old therapist and how I’m still attracted and still want to see him…. I mean going into his office again really triggered something… my heart stirred a bit… and although I was sitting with this new lady I could still see HIS face…

I know I sound psycho… just want wait for time to pass so that I won’t want him as bad as I do….

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