so this morning something about hubby looked a little extra nice… so i asked “are you going out tonight?” he tells me no.. he didnt feel like going out but if his friends want to hang out he said he would because one of his friends is going through a divorce… so just to be supportive… but you know what… i already knew and had a feeling he was going to go out… lol he thinks i’m stupid…

i honestly feel like stopping by the bar that he goes to… what if hes’ not with his friends… i know i probably wont see him tonight because he dont usually get home until late… i should probably get to sleep soon anyway… it’ll make the time go faster… but i just ate so i’m not going to bed until about 10…

i just hate being alone…for a few reasons but i just want to get to the bottom of the main issue… why do i hate being alone…? i still dont know… maybe cause i’m alone with my thoughts… maybe because i’m bored… maybe cause i feel like my time is being wasted.. i mean i cooked and cleaned the house and i’m a bit hypo manic today… i want to go out and socialize but at the same time i dont want to go anywhere… ugh… sometimes i drive myself crazy…



      • Obviously I don’t know you so I could be way off the mark!! Just (and not to make this about myself) I had a boyfriend once who was always out with his friends, either at the pub, playing or watching football, at the pool tournament, you name it- and I was always just at home. Cooking and cleaning.. watching tele, going to bed early – a bit like what you have said and it felt horrible. I felt like he would rather be anywhere other than with me. It felt like I was left behind, not good enough – does that make sense? Have you ever told your hub that it upsets you that he goes out so much?xx

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      • Absolutely I can understand that…. yes he knows how I feel but still goes out… I mean I can go out too but I don’t believe I have friends like that because the ones I do know are always busy with their family … they can’t just get up and go so I’m left stuck…

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  1. I have the same exact issue. I have abandonment issues. Come to find out I don’t struggle with bipolar as much as I do with borderline personality disorder. It’s very commonly misdiagnosed for bipolar and is not curable with meds. I hate being abandoned. Even if I know my husbands coming back. It stems from childhood. I constantly feel like he puts others before me but it’s mainly because of deep rooted feelings when I was young. You’re never alone. It’s your brain playing tricks on you love.

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