thoughts about hubby and infidelity


so i decided to go out to jersey after all and spend some time with one of the guys i used to be in business with… he has his own place and i’ll tell ya it’s a bad ass building… cost about 3000 a month just to live there so yeah it’s really working out for him… he was just going on and on about me getting back into the business… how i’m so influential and the industry needs someone like me… but i dont know.. maybe sometime in the future i’ll go back… i’m not ready… i dont even think it’s me anymore and i mean i see the change in me… i used to be so professional all about learning and growing and making a residual income and helping others but i’ve gotten burned in the business so bad it’s just not in me anymore..

we did have a good time and no, no hanky panky going on… it was never like that with me and him… so we had a good time…

hubby is kinda trying to give me the guilt trip about not wanting him to stay overnight at work because he said he will be leaving late… but in my mind i mean he’s gotten home late many times from a night out with the guys and have gotten home drunk and still made it to work the next day… so i dont know why is this time different… maybe he is fooling around.. i honestly really dont know what to think…

to be honest to fool around on him is something that comes to my mind but honestly i’m not really attracted to anyone currently in my life except for my therapist… he’s really the only one that i’m sexually interested in but i know that would never happen… so i had other options in mind kind of on the back burner in case i do catch hubby cheating… i mean i’m not an ugly woman… still very pretty ( at least i like to think so) lost alot of weight so i have an ok body… i’m down to 172lbs from 223 so my confidence is at an all time high and i do find myself saying things that i maybe shouldnt just because it’s how i feel at the time…

but i am a good girl… at least trying to stay that way but this paranoia is really getting to me especially with hubby wanting to stay at his job… i dont want to hurt my husband but i dont want to be a fool either… we shall see how this story develops…

Categories: bipolar, bipolar 2, borderline personality disorderTags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

2 comments

  1. i hope it all works out for the both of you. I suggest a deep and meaningful conversation maybe? xo

    Liked by 1 person

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