The day after

still a little on the sad side but not as bad as yesterday… waves of sadness came and went throughout the day… but i’ve been down for about a week now… hopefully i’ll be getting out of this slump soon.. so i’m home now and hubby is out having drinks with his buddies and i’m ok with that because it’s like he’s not here when he is because he’s always on the game system talking to his buddies so it’s like whatever…

I sent an email to my therapist last night telling him how i was feeling and how angry and frustrated i was that he was leaving.. i mean deep down i know that its something that happens in life…people come and go.. but sometimes it’s just hard to handle…. i broke down in the email and told him that i felt that i needed him.. he said i dont need HIM to continue MY work on myself… i may not need him i just … i dont know…

but i’m glad he responded and put things into perspective for me… just glad that i’m not a sloppy crying mess like i was last night… at least at this moment i’m not… last night hubby asked me if i was angry … i told him no i wasn’t… see that’s where the communication comes in… that’s still something i have to work on… communicating with my hubby…i just dont want him to worry about me… i feel like the only one i can really open up to is my therapist… i dont really want to burden people i only less than half trust…i cant really talk to anyone about my depression…

so i guess my sad face to hubby looks like an angry face… that’s interesting.. but you know… people become angry because they are hurt… or it maybe be a blocked wish.. something that you want to happen that didnt…. and we become angry… but i have to let my therapist know i’m not angry at him, just at the situation…

i’m going to get dressed and take my dog for a long walk… the exercise will do us both some good…

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