Today’s Session

So had a pretty cool therapy session today.. most of my readers know i’m attracted to my therapist and he looks sexy to me all the time…but today omg… he looked especially yummy… damn it… lol i really didnt want to take my eyes away but i cant just stare at him like i’m some kind of psycho… but oh man… anyway.. i really wasnt feeling like myself today… kinda down… not depressed… just not my usually uppity self…

def gonna be on the look out for his twin… lol i mean he dont have a twin that i know of just saying… there is one guy i used to sleep with that kinda reminds me of him but i’m not going back to him… i think he’s mad at me for standing him up but i’ll leave it like that…

we talked about the emotions that come with a possible pregnancy and he also mentioned his last week with me.. im honestly upset because i thought i had at LEAST until july… we also talked about my cheating which i havent done in a long time but i always tend to bring it up…

i asked my therapist if he trusts me… after some thought and some probing questions like…”trust you in what sense?” and “what brings me to ask that?” he said “yes.” i dont know sometimes i’m blunt and i say things without thinking but it was a nagging question.. you know hubby doesnt really make me feel trusted… why would he? i wanna bang my therapist..but of course he doesnt know that…

maybe once he’s gone these thoughts and feelings will subside… we’ve never really addressed them head on and that’s ok… they did go away for a while but they are back with a vengeance.

i just woke up from a nap.. i’ve been so sleepy.. i’ve been taking naps for like 3 days in a row and i’m not really a nap person…

i have a job interview on thursday..i have to try to get the day off or at least work the night.. it’s about an hour away from me in an area i’m not familiar with but i want to go because it would def be more money than what i’m making now…

i do openly flirt with him.. i’m not sure if he notices… i do look at him from head to toe and notice everything… taking it all in pretty much.. i want to ask him if it bothers him.. that way i would know if he notices… sometimes an acknowledgment of my actions will help me to stop… sometimes… today i’m just full of questions.. i was going to tell him some things today … i know i asked him the trust question… i also wanted to ask him if he notices i flirt… ? but i’m really trying to keep my boundaries.. trying but it’s not working… i slip sometimes…

i dont know.. i’ll write more about my session in another blog… i really just have to sit and try to remember things that we’ve discussed… he did mention that i’ve progressed great but he wants me to continue therapy … i wish i knew what he meant by progressed.. i know it means i’m doing better but still… he also said i still have some more work to do and i know that’s for sure…

but lets see… i’ll write another blog later or tomorrow when more things come to mind… i’m just stuck in a fog right now… sleepy… tired… maybe i’m going through the beginning stages of depression… i have no idea…