Today’s Session


So had a pretty cool therapy session today.. most of my readers know i’m attracted to my therapist and he looks sexy to me all the time…but today omg… he looked especially yummy… damn it… lol i really didnt want to take my eyes away but i cant just stare at him like i’m some kind of psycho… but oh man… anyway.. i really wasnt feeling like myself today… kinda down… not depressed… just not my usually uppity self…

def gonna be on the look out for his twin… lol i mean he dont have a twin that i know of just saying… there is one guy i used to sleep with that kinda reminds me of him but i’m not going back to him… i think he’s mad at me for standing him up but i’ll leave it like that…

we talked about the emotions that come with a possible pregnancy and he also mentioned his last week with me.. im honestly upset because i thought i had at LEAST until july… we also talked about my cheating which i havent done in a long time but i always tend to bring it up…

i asked my therapist if he trusts me… after some thought and some probing questions like…”trust you in what sense?” and “what brings me to ask that?” he said “yes.” i dont know sometimes i’m blunt and i say things without thinking but it was a nagging question.. you know hubby doesnt really make me feel trusted… why would he? i wanna bang my therapist..but of course he doesnt know that…

maybe once he’s gone these thoughts and feelings will subside… we’ve never really addressed them head on and that’s ok… they did go away for a while but they are back with a vengeance.

i just woke up from a nap.. i’ve been so sleepy.. i’ve been taking naps for like 3 days in a row and i’m not really a nap person…

i have a job interview on thursday..i have to try to get the day off or at least work the night.. it’s about an hour away from me in an area i’m not familiar with but i want to go because it would def be more money than what i’m making now…

i do openly flirt with him.. i’m not sure if he notices… i do look at him from head to toe and notice everything… taking it all in pretty much.. i want to ask him if it bothers him.. that way i would know if he notices… sometimes an acknowledgment of my actions will help me to stop… sometimes… today i’m just full of questions.. i was going to tell him some things today … i know i asked him the trust question… i also wanted to ask him if he notices i flirt… ? but i’m really trying to keep my boundaries.. trying but it’s not working… i slip sometimes…

i dont know.. i’ll write more about my session in another blog… i really just have to sit and try to remember things that we’ve discussed… he did mention that i’ve progressed great but he wants me to continue therapy … i wish i knew what he meant by progressed.. i know it means i’m doing better but still… he also said i still have some more work to do and i know that’s for sure…

but lets see… i’ll write another blog later or tomorrow when more things come to mind… i’m just stuck in a fog right now… sleepy… tired… maybe i’m going through the beginning stages of depression… i have no idea…

 

Categories: bipolar, bipolar 2, borderline personality disorderTags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

8 comments

  1. you may be becoming depressed as I need more sleep and then the depression comes maby that’s why your napping ? hopefully not for you. I can also sooo relate to this. I am at university and im married with 2 girls . there was a guy in my group and we began flirting we got a hotel and slept together. it happened about 4 times over a few months. he always flirts with me then I found it was always me making the moves on him I would be the one to call him and message him then I got really mad as I asked him to meet he wasn’t to fussed he said he was busy then when I was off with him he flirted massively and was all over me this went on for weeks so after a bit I blew at him and I couldn’t stop texing I was saying all sorts of stuff cursing at him and everything. i tried to explain a few days after i cant do games i also struggle with boundaries and i tried to say im all or nothing i cant do games. he said we should be friends i was so hurt and i don’t know why i chased after him he wasn’t even my type for gods sake luckily my hubby dosent know ! it still pisses me off he ended it with me !

    Liked by 1 person

    • Wow sounds like you guys were intense… sorry it ended… for me it’s like I need that newness the feeling of something new cause I get bored… I do flirt with my therapist quite openly… wish he would pick up my advances… how are u feeling now about the whole thing… I know you’re pissed but are u handling it well?

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      • hi yep we were .I broke up from uni now just got to go in for exams but not sure im well enough to be fair. I thin I was so excited starting uni getting attention and being myself not just mum or wife. he wasn’t my type it was just exciting and new and different. but being with my hubby I cant belive what I have done. I was a dick to nearly lose it all. my husband dotes on me spoils me and would do anything cant beive how selfish I was. he dosnt know either thank god. are you gona tell your therapist ? x

        Liked by 1 person

      • My therapist knows I’m attracted to him but on our last session I’m going to spill it all and let him know just how much I was attracted but I know nothing will ever happen I just want to put it out there… I’m ready to get rejected cause I know it’s coming but at least I’ll get my feelings out there.

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      • do you ever feel like you look at a guy and you feel you could get anyone you want ? I do ,also when im becoming hypermanic I always want more sex than normal ?

        Liked by 1 person

      • Oh yes that’s me all the way… and knowing I can’t have the one I want due to professionalism it’s frustrating

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  2. to be fair I always fall head over heals and I never ever was able to play it cool for long I was all or nothing and hate rejection !hope you doing ok x

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