oh yes, depression has hit

so i woke up from a nap… still feeling like shit.. but i have to go back to sleep soon for work in the morning… but i’m sitting here watching family guy and typing… tears just flowing down i look a mess and guess what… hubby is just on the other side of the room and he didnt notice that i’ve been crying for damn near 10 mins because he’s stuck on his damn video game.

he mentioned to me that i looked angry… but i told him no… but i am.. i just feel like he wouldnt understand or maybe he would but i have have to explain why i’m angry and i dont want to get into it or make him worry… i sent my therapist an email tonight expressing things that i really didnt express to him… i have issues expressing negative emotions like anger and frustration.. i really dont know why but i just bottle everything up and top it off with a smile…

much like hypomania.. i feel waves and tingles all over my body…but not waves of happiness or excitement…more like waves of sadness…getting more intense with every wave…

i just feel like i need my therapist and i feel like such a damn baby for even saying it… i wanted to continue this journey with him… he’s helped me so much and i dont know i’m just stuck…

my eyes are red…swollen…teary… hubby is here but i just feel so alone… 20170523_012935468_iOStears wiped away but still very sad… then tomorrow just gonna go about showing a smile to the world when all i wanna do is stay home…