Illegal Addictions

I gotta say that i’ve been a pleasure seeker even in my younger years…. i would strive to fit in… my bestfriend and i would sneak around the corner where my parents wouldnt see us and smoke cigarettes… i was only 12 years old at the time but i can still remember the feeling of the smoke traveling down… it gave me tingles all over my body as i exhaled…. never thought it would really become an addiction… that same year i started smoking weed…not all the time, but every once in a while when my friend would get it… she used to swipe it from her brother who used to sell it..

I was 15 and i was smoking a bit more often than i had before… i’d go on the rooftops of my friends buildings and smoke weed… we would even go to this building we called “red doors” and smoke right in the lobby… oh man it was so much fun… laughing…talking…joking around… we used to meet up and go there and we knew we would have such a great time…

when i was 16 i graduated to cocaine. i always said if it didnt have negative effects on the body and wasnt so expensive, i’d do it all the time… but i mainly did it because my boyfriend at the time was doing it… it was my way of getting closer to him. i loved how “Up” and “hyper” it would make me feel but i remember the crash coming down made me angry and irritable… i would just be so mad at the world… but it was just the crash… but it was great.. i did coke off and on for a few more years after that but it was never a habit like weed was… stopped messing around with coke when i was about 18 or 19 but i would only do it once in a blue moon. I remember my male bestfriend at the time never had money so he would always want me to buy some so he could have… he would rub it in his mouth lips and tongue as well as snort… my primary way was snorting and i cant lie every now and then even now… i think of having a hit of it.. but i’m scared that one hit would kill me… so i dont… and i dont even know where to get it… oh well

Summer of 1997 i was high the entire time… i smoked weed every day that summer with my friends and when i hit 18, i won a law settlement and bought myself a video camera… i used to video tape our times in red doors.. it would be a bunch of us… well about 5 of us..two of them were my female cousins who were 2 and 4 years younger than me and they would smoke with me…

as the years went by on and off with coke then in 1998 i tried what was called a “tab” which was acid that came in the form of a small paper that you swallowed or let it dissolve in your mouth.. also known as LSD…this was a hallucinogen, the funny thing was all it did was make me laugh hysterically… it made the world seem like a movie and i was just watching it and experiencing it… my bestfriend at the time was funny i remember one day i saw him and i told him what i had done, the first thing he said was “saved me any?” i said “No” so he ended up taking me up the block and introduced me to some transgender prostitutes and i was hysterical laughing at them… not for them being transgender but because their face looked funny to me… and after talking with them for a while he spun me around and right in front of me was a little old lady… i laughed in her face too… oh man it was crazy…

the only real hallucination i had on a tab was when we were in his house… he had some work down on his wall because of some mold in the wall… there were still some places on the wall that had mold and to me they looked like they were swaying back and forth… i made him see it too… it was so nutty…

Next drug i tried was introduced to me by my cousins… oh man it was “ex” or “Ecstasy” now this drug made me feel so good in my skin… i felt happy… and i felt everything…with the slightest touch i felt waves all over my body… but to me sex on ex wasnt anything special.. i had a better experience just going about my day…

but yeah these are just some of the experiences i’ve had with drugs… of course alcohol also played a part in my adolescence…

in my adult years… i mean i’m 37 right now and i havent touched any drug in many years… thank god i was never strongly addicted to any of them…



  1. Thanks for sharing. Really interesting as I am the same age and also bipolar. My experiences were pretty similar up till the coke. I found after that that weed and alcohol, smoking and poppers, were enough for me, plus I was scared! I’ve all but given up smoking and booze now due to the impact on my mental health. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss it.

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  2. omg so similar I did mdma and ectasy or pills as w called them it was a very big feature in my younger years . all of that long gone now but alcohol was my issue more I could go without alcohol but once I started I couldn’t stop. over these last 2 months since being diagnoised and starting my medication of queitepine (don’t know how to spell it) he has since increased me t 400mg morning and night time I hadn’t been drinking only twice found it surprisingly easy. I was the same with you about the sex when I was on it I didn’t want to be touched just left alone to be high. funny though as my friends all used to rave about sex when high but it didn’t do it for me.

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    • yeah i was on seroquel… aka quetiapine… 😉 i only had to take it once at night before bed… but yeah the drugs have long been stopped.. i havent done drugs for many years… so happy about it… thank god i wasnt addicted to any.. i just really liked some… hehehe

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