bipolar bipolar 2 borderline personality disorder

Pouring my heart out

so i’m feeling better now that i bought a card for my therapist and pretty much poured my heart out on it… i mean i really needed to let my feelings out and really tell him how much of an impact he made to me in these few months… and i did it in the form of a thank you card.. i mean i also wrote my number and email address but i know he wont be in touch with me after he leaves… it’s worth a try..

How do you cope with goodbyes.. i mean to be honest when i was at work i wanted to have a drink so bad… or maybe something else to relax my mind and get this goodbye off my mind..i mean the new place hes going to isnt done until august but it still stands that he doesnt know how many sessions we have left… and the uncertainty is what bothers me too…

when he told me about his leave i was sad but i did my best to at least seem ok and happy for him… but im really not… i’m still not… and it’s not that i dont want him to move forward… that’s not it at all..i’m just sad that he’s leaving… but it’s a part of life and this is just another lesson..

i start thinking… like.. i dont feel like opening up again… trusting again..repeating the same stories again… if the possibility of my next therapist can leave as well… i just feel like wounds are opening.. i dont know.. i’m just glad that i can vent here….

i feel like going out somewhere and having a drink…but i cant forget..i have alcohol here at home… =) thats always nice…

3 comments

  1. Alcohol at home is nice. I just had a cold beer and a hot bath and am in my PJs , ahhh 🙂 I’m glad you were able to put your feelings into words. I’m sure that he will appreciate it , even if he doesn’t respond.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I dread when I have to leave my psychiatrist (or he retires, which he promised not to). I have sent my pdoc two cards over the years. One was a get well card when he was in the hospital, another was based on a little story.

    My pdoc used to have a painting of forsythia in his office. I loved that painting so much, and got to the point where I associated forsythia with him. Every year in the Spring I would tell him that the forsythia was blooming. And every year he would say, “I know, Cindy”. After so many years he obviously made the connection. I had also told him once how I loved the painting. Then one day I arrived to his office and the painting was gone. I remember yelling “OMG! Where is the forsythia!”

    Pdoc went into an explanation that he had had the painting in the office for a long time and thought a change would be good. But I was clearly upset. Then he asked me “Do you know where this new painting is portrays?” I looked, but wasn’t sure. I guessed Nova Scotia. He said “No. It’s [your childhood home town].”

    My pdoc knows how much I love my childhood home town, so I started to wonder if he replaced the forsythia with that new painting strategically. Of course this went through my head for hours and hours afterwards.

    I had purchased a beautiful card with forsythia on it and a little honey bee, who said “You’re the best!” I had planned to send my pdoc that card at some point in the future. Well, I decided to send it then. I wrote inside that I forgave him for changing the painting, but only because he replaced it with a place in my childhood hometown.

    Pdoc never acknowledged that card. I understand why. Like your therapist, he just didn’t want to appear too sentimental about it, I guess.

    Like

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