bipolar bipolar 2 borderline personality disorder

Conflicted… help

Most of my readers know that I have a great relationship with my therapist… he is smart and has helped me a lot…. but I’ve been feeling anxiety about going back… he mentioned that I have traits of borderline and the thought of going back to therapy has all of a sudden given me anxiety….like I don’t want to go back… nothing to do with the way he counsels me… I mean I think rationally he’s great but I can’t seem to get the feeling of anxiety to go away… … like I don’t want to see him or anyone…I don’t know where this feeling came from but I know it started when I sent him an email telling him that I feel safe enough with him to tell him anything… as soon as I sent it I wished I could unsend it… now I don’t want to go back….

It’s a feeling like I want to stay far away from him…

Never had this feeling before and I don’t even want to tell him about it…. thoughts of me not going back for my next appointment linger in my mind… or going and just telling him … not to book another appointment and I’ll call him when and if I want to go back… I hope these feelings subside….

6 comments

  1. Hey beautiful. First – the feelings you are having are very, very normal. I often get this way about therapy. The best mechanism I have for my anxiety is calmly asking myself “why?” I’ve found that when I write my anxiety cloud out (that’s how it feels just buzzing bees of words in my brain) I see black and white the contributors. It makes it easier bc otherwise it feels massive and I can’t conquer or or handle it even. Anyway, usually, it boils down to: I’m scared of something or I don’t want to confront something.

    I’d never make a recommendation about someone else’s treatment, but in my own path, I have taken breaks from therapy. I find sometimes I just don’t want to deal and sometimes that’s okay. You don’t have to tear into everything at once.

    It sounds like maybe borderline is bothering you, and I get that. It’s such a huge diagnosis in the sense “well what the hell can I do about this? That’s not a pretty picture you’re painting here, doc”. If I recall, you have had this before and it upset you, so maybe you’re triggered?

    All I can genuinely do is send you love and support. You’re going through a lot, and just coming here to write it out and ask for help shows a lot of strength and courage. The two things that will get you through the toughest situations. Keep going, you got this! ❤️❤️❤️

    Liked by 2 people

    1. i want to thank you for your great advice… i always had a feeling about the borderline..all he really did was confirm…but my main diagnosis is bipolar 2 with borderline traits and i guess maybe this is one of the traits rearing its ugly head.. i honestly have no logical explanation for feeling like this… it’s just a feeling and yeah there may be something i want to confront and i have been considering digging deep into my relationship with my step father and my bio father… maybe that’s what it is because i have never really discussed it with him then all of a sudden its like i dont even want to go.. so you may be right on that track about me not wanting to face something… a break from therapy sounds good but i’m not sure if it’s a break i want or a total break-off… thank you for sending the love and support my way and i truly appreciate you and your comments..

      Like

      1. We’re impulsive, right? If you need a break take it, but don’t do anything permanent or rash. Give yourself the time and freedom to make your decisions. You have to be ready to confront things. I also have to stress a great therapist is hard to find. So if you have a good relationship, don’t terminate it. I’ve taken months off from therapy before because I felt the same things you described and frankly “I just don’t want to deal!” Sometimes I think too frequent therapy is detrimental. Sometimes you need to just work through without conversation.

        You’re very welcome
        And I’m always here to talk!

        Liked by 2 people

      2. i understand completely.. i actually sent an email to my therapist right now so that maybe he can help me through these feeling…even though my initial feelings are to stay away… it’s just a crazy feeling…

        Liked by 1 person

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