Attachment Issues

This is definitely one of the issues that i’m going through with my therapist.. I have issues letting go of relationships… I really dont know why… i sometimes even get paranoid that some of the people in my life are mad at me for whatever reason or might never speak to me again…. Even if there’s no reason for it at all… i still feel that way sometimes…

But my issue is even letting go of ex’s or people that i’ve been intimate with at some point in time. To be honest i already feel like i have no friends… I feel like i’m missing that closeness, that bond i once had with my former bestfriend… I know that those people will never take his place but still… I feel like i dont want to lose the people i already have in my life right now…

my therapist strongly feels that i should cut ties with those men… i mean… i know in the back of my mind that most of them arent REALLY interested in friendship… but i just feel like if the relationship was to get past friendship on my end…it would be MY decision… grant it… =| i dont make the best decisions… So i agree with my therapist but at the same time… it’s still kind of hard for me to let go…

I really just dont know why…

I’m not even attracted to those people anymore… so yeah what’s the point…

I’m still trying to get over the fact that my “bestfriend” and i will never talk again.. apparently i’m “dead to him.” This was an over 20 year friendship… we had a big fall out…

and another “bestfriend” who we’ve also had a fall out… i’ve emailed her trying to make up with her…she’s not interested in talking to me either…

these two relationships were very important to me… and i still hold them in my heart…it’s still difficult for me to talk about .. yeah… 3 years later… but i’m working on it… it’s getting better.. i mean balling my eyes out in front of my therapist about it helps… but i havent cried about it in a long time…but still hurts…

i feel like there’s a void in my life… dont know how to fill it…   =/

2 comments

  1. It’s good you’re talking to your therapist about these issues. The reason you feel a void is because people simply need other people. Having people close to you is important to your overall health, especially when you’re bipolar. It’s very hard to make new friends as an adult. Maybe the best thing you can do for yourself until you find a new person to click with is just focus on being friends with your husband and building up your relationship. It may help fill that void knowing that your husband can also be your best friend.

    Liked by 1 person

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