Therapy today (updated)

Before therapy

So I’m here waiting for my train to take me downtown to see my therapist. I saw the podiatrist early this morning for my heel pain issue and she gave me some insoles… I needed them especially for work.

So here I said I’d do a pros and cons list to take to my therapist so that we can discuss it but I completely forgot … I’ll try to remember to do it tonight… my list for today’s topics is relatively short… only 2 topics… no idea what to discuss but let’s see if my therapist will help me and lead the conversation…. I definitely want to discuss my impulsive ways with him …

After therapy

Well I was able to come up with some things to discuss so my list of topics went from 2 to about 6 or 7 topics which I’m glad about… this session seemed to fly by though we did cover all topics on my list as well as things off my list…

I had contacted an ex last night just to say hello but that falls in line with what my therapist says … I have a problem letting go of relationships and people from my past… I always tend to reach to ex boyfriends or guys that I have been sexual with in the past… it’s something that can lead to trouble down the line… he’s definitely right to caution me about that… I gotta remember to follow his counsel… he’s usually right about a lot of shit and I don’t realize that until the damage is done and I didn’t listen… I’m hard headed but it’s something I need to work on because I don’t necessarily need to contact these individuals and odds are more than likely they don’t have my best interest at heart…

We also talked about my communication with hubby… I really need to work on that… sometimes I feel hubby should just know what to do and what not to do… I mean we’ve been together 18 years… but yeah I’ll make it a mission to communicate better with him…

I also mentioned to him that I feel stuck in my life… I want a child and it just hasn’t happened… we’ve been through the invitro process twice and he had a vericocele done some years back but still no baby… my therapist says “it hasn’t happened YETemphasis on the word yet…

I’m going to keep trying for the next six months if it hasn’t happened then I’ll give up trying… I just feel empty… I see people with their children and I want one… oh well one day…

It was a great session as always… I just need to make myself heed his counsel then I’ll be just fine…

Back home

Now that i’m home i can definitely reflect upon my session… i mentioned that i found my old 1996 journal from when i was 16… i had suicidal ideations and i also mentioned back then that i was going to see a therapist which i never did back then and i cant help but wonder, what type of woman would i be today had i had professional help… but i know that i was a child then going through alot of things being a 16 year old with emotions and not to mention hormones going nuts… i was definitely a different person then of course…

It was a very good session today and it gave me alot to think about… i’m still going to be taking my seroquel because it helps me with my impulses and i’m alot more calmer then… he said he doesnt notice a difference in me… and thats comforting to know… he noticed my weight loss… i’m down 47 lbs since september and i havent started the exercise regimen yet.. I noticed he has lost some weight as well.. he looked great… as always though šŸ˜‰ i also noticed his hair cut… lol anyway he asked me have i started working out and the answer is no… my job is extremely physical and i’m always on the move so in a way i feel like that’s a work out… unless you can count me running after the bus yesterday as well…lol i wasnt out of breath either… which is good.. I have joined a gym just haven’t gone yet… maybe I could start on my days off… gotta start somewhere…

OMG i just noticed.. i havent eaten a thing all day and i didnt realize it.. for some reason seroquel takes away my appetite.. ohh well i’ll have a good dinner then…

overall.. it’s been a good day and the night is still young… i’m about to go and make some dinner for the hubby and i…

ta-ta for now