Alcohol can do the trick!

So for the past hour or so i’ve been sippin on my favorite drink… Jagermeister… i’m just laying in bed while hubby plays video games…and i’m watching netflix.. as i lay here i go through my facebook and instagram… i see my ex has now gotten married and it stirred some emotions in me.. i mean i commented “it’s about time” because they have been together since we broke up… but on the inside i’m feeling something…and i dont know what it is and i know it isnt good… i have the alcohol to stir up these emotions… i dont even know why i went to her page…but something told me to take a look even though i havent looked in months…

I also went to another ex’s page.. he’s now married with a baby on the way… i know i should be happy for him… but i’m not… i cant say i’m genuinely happy for him… but that’s a reflection on myself.. i’m not happy about my own family situation… i want to have a child too and me and hubby are having problems… i feel stuck… and to see he’s moved on and has already gotten his wife pregnant…i’m just so sad about it…

i’ve been trying to have a child with my husband for many years and we’ve even been through the invitro process to no avail… still no baby… i guess a part of me feels empty inside because i havent gotten pregnant and i’m nearly 40… i really wish i could feel happy but i am not… i remember him saying he wanted to marry me… he was in love with me and wanted me to have his child… but due to my infidelities that wasnt possible… i was still married when i was in a relationship with him… i always thought that if i wasnt with my husband i would have been with him and married him.. he was amazing and full of passion…

i dont know…maybe this is just drunken babble…but i feel kind of heart broken… eh