Those Loud Voices


My experience with bipolar is like this… pretty much every night the voices in my head tell me negative things about  myself…but honestly they arent very loud and i can usually go to sleep… takes me a while but i usually fall asleep.. at this point they arent really depressing or anything like that… its just the usual bullshit i tell myself..

BUT

when i’m in a depressive state or triggered… those voices get louder and very matter-of-fact.. telling myself how much of a shit person i am…and that no one gives a shit about me..how i have no friends because i’m a bad person…things like that.. and let me say sometimes it’s not even my own voice… it could be the voice of a man telling me these things as well.. it’s not fun at all.. Its as if the voices are speaking and they are telling me the truth… kind of the same way a lawyer would sound if he’s proving his point in a court room with no doubts of anything… they’ve gotten so bad that at one of my depressive states after an argument with my husband i actually taunted myself to kill myself.. my mind would say things like “you’re too pussy to do it..no one would even notice.

Now it’s really good to know your triggers… so far i have one that i know of that will bring me to that mental state… it’s whenever i have a serious argument or disagreement with my husband… i really dont know my other triggers … i’m still learning myself..

i really wish i knew my hypomania triggers lol i’d trigger myself all the time…=P which is the complete and total opposite of how i feel in a down state…

i’m still learning…this disorder is still so new to me…

Categories: bipolar, bipolar 2Tags: , , , , , , , ,

8 comments

  1. Lol, I would do the same thing. Avoid all depressive triggers and intentionally trigger hypomania:p

    Like

  2. Im so sorry..i have those voices too. sometimes they are louder, sometimes its just a whisper, but they are always there.
    I dont have any clue as how to stop them myself, im not sure how to help you dear. I have acted on them before, many times. None successful, but please dont. I would miss you. You are a sweet girl.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. That’s an intense inner dialogue going on. I hope it gets better as your meds take effect.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. It’s legit. Some people are rather disturbed to hear of the “voices in our heads”, but they are never (mostly never lol) homicidal. Everyone else is OK… It’s US, who the voices are so nasty to. You get used to it… but the pain they inflict rarely becomes any less in my own experience. I just get used to the pain. Worth it for the HAPPY HAPPY times tho 😛

    Liked by 1 person

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