Before i was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 i was doing some research of my own and i came up with my own conclusion that i had BPD. When i went to my therapist in the beginning, i had given him my reasoning behind it as well as the symptoms.
I checked out the handy dandy DSM-5 which is the therapist counseling guidebook and it goes over all of the disorders and their symptoms as well as treatment options. So when i went to my therapist with this evidence, he pretty much said “hmm, i’m not convinced.” i thought i had a strong argument, but in the end he was right to diagnose me with bipolar because i can relate to that a bit more. As a matter of fact, alot more. I just have a few borderline traits pretty much..
Anyway i wanted to share what these symptoms are for Borderline Personality Disorder or BPD. For someone to be diagnosed they have to fit about 5 or 6 of the criteria, i felt i had 8 out of 9. I think i feel these symptoms when i’m in a depressive state. Anyway, here are the symptoms.
- Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.
- Unstable and intense interpersonal relationships – (splitting)
- Lack of clear sense of identity
- Impulsive in potentially self damaging behaviors.
- Recurrent suicidal threats or gestures or self mutilating behaviors
- Severe mood shifts and extreme reactivity to situational stresses
- chronic feelings of emptiness
- frequent and inappropriate displays of anger.
- Transient stress related feeling of unreality or paranoia.
Many of these in my opinion are symptoms of bipolar during a down phase i think.
One thing about me i do have an All or nothing attitude, i either love you or hate you. Thats called black or white thinking. I would idolize someone for a time but if their not up to my expectations or they dont treat me or even talk to me for a while, i’m over it and i dont care if i ever speak to them again. Its really nuts and annoying to feel like that. I would intentionally not post on FB or IG to see if ANYONE reaches out to see if i’m ok. when they dont after a while, i’ll deactivate my social media for a while because i feel if they dont miss me now, they wont when i’m gone. And that starts my spiral downward where i feel no one cares about me or i’d be better off dead cause no one cares…of course i know that bipolar disorder is a liar and all of these thoughts are false but they feel so real at the time.
I hope this blog post was informative and an insight into what goes on in my mind and heart.
Can any of you relate?