Erotic transference

There is such a thing as erotic transference. It’s pretty much when the patient either growpaul-laura-in-treatments a crush or becomes what they seem to be sexually attracted to their therapist. Unfortunately that has happened to me. I have a lot of sexual fantasies about my therapist granted he is very very handsome. And he is also very professional and I thank the Lord that he is as professional as he is but it’s something that i have been trying to get over.
He makes the environment comfortable enough where I can express how I feel …thoughts that I am thinking. He is aware that there may be some kind of transference. And I am sure he knows that I am attracted to him but I also know that it is inappropriate. At my last session I usually give disclaimers such as “i know this will never happen…” “you’ve done nothing to encourage these thoughts” and things like that but it’s when I was going into telling him what I was thinking for the first time he actually told me not to express these things to him. He said to me ” you can keep this between you and you” and I must say I’m actually glad that he did that because I think the whole session would have been uncomfortable or maybe not I don’t know. But I’m just thinking I can’t express these things to him and the action of him stopping me from telling him these thoughts actually made me feel less attracted which is weird.
So I have been doing my research and I found that this is pretty common in the therapeutic scenario. I mean you’re speaking to someone for about an hour genuinely cares about you and your well being, who listens to you intently and gives you good feedback and advice. Who wouldn’t fall for someone who pays such close attention to them. I’m not saying that I’m in love or infatuated …it’s purely lust.
He also says that I may be going through a mood hypomanic phase so that may have something to do with it. i don’t know. But definitely him telling me to keep it to myself really kind of pushed the brakes on the lust a little bit…he definitely put the kibosh on the attraction because in the back of my mind actually wanted to tell him I wanted him to hear it I wanted him to have these pictures and images in his mind but the brakes were put and I think it was for the best.
I always have this concern that he would refer me out but I also know that we can talk through anything I just hope I don’t make him uncomfortable to a point where he wants to refer me out because I genuinely value his insight and his advice and he’s helped me a lot.
I have had a female therapist before but I can’t seem to open up all the way to a female therapist. I started to reconsider should I even continue therapy but I know I should. As a bipolar woman is there ever a time where I can stop therapy because from what I’ve researched bipolar is a lifelong struggle. Now that I am unmedicated of course my therapist strongly advised against it but I had my own reasons as to why I stopped medicating. But I noticed the difference I feel a lot more off of medicine and sometimes I don’t know if I want to feel and sometimes I do.
I’m still learning about this disorder I’m still learning about myself I still think back to prior years and my disorder has really caused terrible decisions but of course at the time I didn’t know I had a disorder. I just hope that all will go well…He is sexy as hell. lol