I saw my therapist today. You know I got a say I feel so much better after speaking with him, he’s so smart and he knows just what direction to guide me in. Today we had an interesting session he knows I’m off my meds so he’s been cautioning me with certain things. He’s amazing and I’m so lucky to have him as a counselor. We talked about me blowing up on a coworker, we talked about me going in for fertility treatments, we talked about my acting classes, and as well as my many interests. You know one thing he brought up or I should say that I brought up was the fact that others or I should say certain people have an issue with me having many interests. He said that it could be that sometimes people are jealous or may be ….dammit! what was the other thing? Jealous or maybe can’t keep up my many interests he said that in itself is not bad what his concern is how much of my investing in these other interests and that is a valid concern. I told him that I don’t invest in much. He also said that sometimes emotions get kind of out of whack during menstruation and he’s right I think everyone knows that.
I feel that time goes by so fast when I’m talking to him I mean I get an hour visit or I should say i get an hour session. I also told him about this blog I told him what the title was I really don’t know what he thought of it but that’s okay. The original title was “Unmedicated bipolar bitch.” lol I have another appointment to see him next week and I felt like I have so much to say I just hope I don’t drive him nuts. I told him im putting you to work. lol I also mentioned the paranoia that I have at work and that I caught a slight anxiety attack nothing major really. It’s just that when there’s only three women working in a place anybody can come in and rob the place so at that moment so, I fell anxiety about that. He recognized my all or nothing attitude and asked me do i want to confront the coworker..the one that I may be having issues with and I told him I’d rather not I’d rather just distance myself so he took that as a all or nothing kind of attitude which is true. I am like that he knows me like a book.
I noticed that I stood up a lot during this session and he said I looked tense well I do have a lot going on…the anxiety at work, the paranoia im feeling and the fertility issues. Today when I left the session I got a call from the clinic they said that I was denied for the treatment and I know there must be some kind of a mix up. The anxiety strikes again it really sucks I just hope they fix everything because when I called they said I still have one more session of invitro to go. It just makes me sad when things get in the way of what I want everything… feels just so real. I think I want to have a drink, I know that won’t fix anything but I think it will keep me relaxed.
I also worry about what if my therapist decides to work somewhere else and then I have to start over with someone else I don’t want to do that. I honestly don’t think I would continue therapy if that were to happen. But then again what do I know? I think i may have attachment issues… eh…