Symptoms coming back…i think…

I don’t know. I just been feeling a little bit paranoid. Paranoid with the people from my job..I have a feeling that they are trying to get rid of me or something. Like this girl not to mention any names i thought she was my best friend at the job but she’s been talking about me to  the manager i noticed.

Well yeah so I wasn’t too happy about that. It’s so hard to trust people. But i thought i could trust her. That’s one of the things that I had a issue with that I wanted to speak to my therapist about. I should have listened to him from the beginning. When I first started the job I wanted to be a manager but I changed my mind. He told me to beware of boundaries with others and to be conscious of what I discuss with others but did I listen no,… I never listen. =(

He changed my appointment to every two weeks when before I was seeing him every week. You know I liked it better when it was every week. I wonder what happened could it be that I am getting better? But I don’t feel any better actually. I feel like maybe my work has suffered ever since I took myself off of the medicine …that may be a possibility. Could it be that he is uncomfortable with some of the things that I have told him? Well he did tell me that he did not feel uncomfortable. I don’t know if I should even ask.

Something weird happened today at work. It was me and two other girls working was particularly busy. All of a sudden I had this feeling of impending doom…that if five or more men came in to the job with guns to rob us we would be so dead because there was only three of us working. So I felt a little bit of an anxiety attack. Like I really don’t know understand why I would think something like that why would I worry.

I also sent an email to my therapist letting him know the details or I should say some of the details of my visit to the psychiatrist that day and he never responded to my email. He usually does so I don’t know why he didn’t… not even an ok or and I got your message. I just want to be acknowledged and  why wouldn’t he acknowledged my email? I don’t know maybe I’m just thinking too much. Like i said… these stupid symptoms but i refuse to get back on meds.

Well I’m off from work tomorrow I will be spending the day taking care of me. I’ll be heading to acting class which is supposed to be the last day. I do feel that I got my money’s worth because it was a new experience for me. I see my therapist on Tuesday. Oh what a joy.

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